Feeling Stuck?
Feeling Stuck? - by Gerry O Doherty
Do you ever feel you are just getting by in life, existing rather than enjoying? You know there is something missing, you know life could be much better but you are too busy or disillusioned to do anything about it. Success and happiness are fairytales that belong to another reality where life isn't so demanding. Right? Wrong!!
I'm not too sure if there is an after life, or if I'll be reincarnated. Maybe I will and next time I'll be a movie star, a nobel prize winner, an Olympic athlete, or maybe I'll be happy! Too many 'ifs' for my liking. Wouldn't it be better if we could be truly happy right now? Do you find yourself reading that line and thinking 'yeah sure, that would be great, BUT....?'
Let me introduce to a character we in Life Coaching call the Gremlin. The Gremlin began it's role as our protector. The first time we put a hand on a radiator and experienced a burning sensation the Gremlin took note and made sure we didn't do it again. As children the Gremlin was fed with a barrage of well meaning messages from our parents, 'don't run', 'don't eat too many sweets', 'be careful'. How often were you told to take a risk? Hardly surprising then that the Gremlin matures and becomes the voice that keeps us safe, in our comfort zone.
So what has this to do with being happy? When you hear yourself saying 'but' to the suggestion that you could be more fulfiled in life, it's your Gremlin talking. You see the Gremlin doesn't like change, it loves the status quo and rapidly dismisses any such grand notion. Better the devil you know! Such self-limiting beliefs can impact every area of your life, for example:
- physically keeping you over-weight even though you want to be thinner
- mentally keeping you with a negative outlook on life when all you want is to be happy
- keeping you stuck in a job or career when you know you could do so much better
- emotionally keeping you in a relationship which burnt out long ago
It's easy to keep the Gremlin happy, don't change anything! This is exactly what most people do and precisely the reason why they don't feel fulfiled. As the saying goes:
'If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll continue to get what you've always got!'
The good news is you can tune down the volume of the Gremlin and successfully make changes to your life. Here are a few ways to make this a reality:
1 As the book by Susan Jeffries states 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. Think of someone who you admire and respect, and realise this, they too have a Gremlin. The difference being their Gremlin is almost muted. Become aware of what your Gremlin is saying and say to it 'thanks, I've heard you but I'm going to do it anyway'. Yes you may feel uncomfortable pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone, however the more often you do it the easier it becomes.
2 A powerful ally in subduing the Gremlin is created when you adopt the attitude
'There's no such thing as failure, only feedback'.
The idea that no matter what you do, you can't fail, can take some getting used to. It takes practise but it really does open endless doors of opportunities. If you change job and three months later the new employer is forced to make redundancies and you are let go, you have a choice on how you respond to the situation. You can let the Gremlin tell you what a fool you were to change jobs, now look at the mess you have got yourself into etc, or you can say to yourself I've just proven I can adapt to a new job quickly and I'll show that I can do that again to my next employer. Which message do you think is of most benefit?
As Albert Einstein said 'Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.'
3 Write a positive self-affirmation and stick it in places where it's going to be seen regularly through the day. It should be written in the present tense and allow for future potential, for example:
'I'm enjoying becoming thinner and happier more and more every day'
This self-talk really does make an impact, starving the Gremlin and helping you to become all you can be.
Life really isn't a dress rehearsal. The time for getting the most out of it is right NOW! Congratulations if you already are, spread that good feeling to others around you.
This article was written by Gerry O Doherty, an associate coach with Bright Future Coaching. Gerry practices coaching and hypnotherapy in Ireland.
